I have been thinking of going to retreat this year. I actually have been doing more than thinking, I have been planning. I am a little weary about going though. You see, I am afraid that there will be drama with me going and Meteru and Djebati going. I want everyone to know that Meteru and I are friends and I am not mad about what went on. We are all adults and we can handle our situation. I don't hate either one of them and I hope that she and I can be friends too. The kids would be coming too and they will be with the both of us, at different times mostly. I guess what I want is to know that if I go people won't feel like they have to be loyal to one or the other of us. I don't want people to feel uneasy if we are all there. I mean I will be coming with just the kids and they will probably go together but you will see at least Meteru and I talking and taking care of the kids. We laugh together and we don't talk about what went on because that is in the past. We don't need to go over it and over it. We are ok with the way things are now. We get along better now than we have in the past few years. So I don't want people to feel that they have to be split between us. There is really no side to take in all this. I know some people have already said that they can be friends with us both and that is wonderful. I just haven't heard much from people some people and I just don't want to feel I am ruining the retreat by being there. You will be able to talk to me as you always have and I really don't feel the need to talk about what happened. What happened is just that. It happened. It is over with. End of story. If you were friends with both of us before, then I hope you are still friends with us both still. If you were only friends with me because of me being married to him, then you don't have to put up with me now so all the better for you and me. I don't need fake friends. So clearing the air about that has helped me to say that I am looking forwards to seeing all my wonderful family this year and I am already counting down the days. Hugs

Ok. I saw my oncologist on Friday. The said that they are going to do a total hysterectomy and I will have that on August 6th. I will be in the hospital for 3-5 days. Of course this is during retreat so I hope you will all tell Sekhmet hello and give Her a big hug for me. I don't know if there will be further treatments after the surgery because it depends on what they find during the surgery. There is always the chance that it spreads to other places the doctor said. However, he said that surgery usually takes care of everything and most don't need any further treatments. He did say that there is a chance that it could come back but it would be on other organs instead of the uterus, which will be gone of course. So all in all it wasn't really a bad visit unless you consider the lovely exam that I got. OUCH!!!

I had a really bad night last night. I went to bed and had taken a Lunesta. For those that don't know, that is a sleeping pill. I was asleep around 11 pm. I woke at 2 am and soon was in so much pain that I was in tears. I called the pharmacy to see if I could take pain pills since I had taken the sleeping pill. He said I could and I took 2 Darvocets. Unfortunatly, this didn't help until around 6:30-7:00 am so I couldn't go back to sleep. The boys get up around 7:15 am like clockwork. I have been having pains off and on for a few years now and I guess I kind of know why now. I just wish someone would have taken them a little more seriously when I said I had them. Oh, did you notice the picture I am using? It is of the kids and Meteru made a poster for me with them. I asked him if he would make me an icon so I could use it here and he very graciously did. Hugs

Ok. I have this 4 year old boy that refuses to be potty trained. He knows how to go potty on the toilet and has proved so. When we go to the store he will say he has to go and we take him. He does go. We praise him up and down and give "high fives" all around. When he is at home he refuses to be potty trained. We can put him on the potty and he will go. However, sometimes after he gets done he will still wet his pants. He knows he is doing it too. I guess I am stumped. I have talked to the pediatrician and all he did was talk to him and tell him he needed to go potty on the toilet so he can wear big boy underwear like all his other patients his age do. Didn't work. We have kept him in underwear and he still poops in his underwear. We told him that he has to be potty trained to be able to go to school. Didn't work. We told him he couldn't go to his favorite places until he was potty trained. Didn't work. We asked him why he doesn't use the potty. He said he likes it when we change him. So we figured it was the attention he was getting while being changed. We stopped talking to him or showing any facial expressions while changing him. Didn't work. We have sat him on the toilet every half hour to hour and that didn't work either. I wanted to be able to put him in Head Start this coming fall but I can't unless he is potty trained. I even told him he would be able to ride a bus to school and that didn't work. I have done everything listed and more to get him potty trained and I can't find anything that works. Does anyone have any advise? I really am frustrated at this point and I don't know what to do. Any advice would be helpful. Hugs

Well I am home for the night. I need to sleep in my own bed and so do the boys. They are getting so stressed out with all the changing we are doing it is maddening. So what is the family emergency? Well the house is falling apart. Well before we moved into this place we looked around. I was told that there was a leak at one time from the bathroom that the kids use. It was fixed way before we even moved in but there was some floor damage next to the walls around the bathroom. That was fine since no one walks over there anyways. What wasn't said was the weak spot in the middle of the hall. I didn't mind that because I can step over a little spot. We were not told about the sink leaking nor the dishwasher that doesn't work. Nor were we told that the refrigerator leaks water from the freezer into the fridge. We used the dishwasher after we got here and found that it didn't clean anything and so we stopped using it. We were not told about the leak in the bathroom around the toilet nor the one around the large tub. Well we found a crack in the toilet so we replaced it but it still leaks from somewhere. So the new floor is going to have to be removed in that area so that the leak can be fixed. The tub was leaking around the faucet so that was pretty easy to fix. Back to the kitchen. Something is wrong with the oven and it sounds like it is exploding when you turn it on. Not the stove part but the oven. The fridge keeps freezing everything no matter what you put it on. Well aparently the leak has been there for a long time cause now there is a hole in the floor near the dishwasher. We couldn't afford to get a new dishwasher so the old one just sits there. I thought as long as we didn't use it it was good there. Well I was wrong. Apparently there was water under the flooring and it ate away the wood. Now you can fall through the floor. More holes appearing too. Then I find out we don't have any gas in the house. We went to cook something and there was no gas. So not only can we not cook but we can't have hot water either. We don't have the money for the people at the gas company either. So the kids and I are staying at my mothers most of the time. On the weekends we come home at night and sleep and then when we get up we go back to my mothers. During the week we have to stay full time with my mother because we don't have a way to get back home since we only have one vehicle now. Meteru needs the van to go to work so we have to stay with my mother. It really sucks cause my mom doesn't like the boys to be noisy but they are small and they want to play. The get tired and confused cause we are staying there. They don't know what is going on but they are tired of being shuffled around. They don't sleep well at my mom's house either. I have to sleep on the couch and the baby sleeps in his playpen. The other two boys and my daughter sleep in one room on a futon bed. My mother sleeps in her bed and the other bedroom doesn't have a bed in it. It has computer stuff and storage stuff. It is bad enough that my family needs 4 bedrooms to sleep and we only have three but when you try to shove all of us in a three bedroom townhouse that you can only use one bedroom it is tough. So basically that is it. We can't live here because it is unsafe but we can't move because we don't have any money. I am working hard to get more money and Meteru is working hard to get money too. Anyone need some Avon?? Let me know please. I will ship it to you. My order for this campaign goes in early Wednesday morning. Hugs

Hey all. I am not going to be home for a little while and I am going to be at my mothers. The kids are with me at my mothers. I don't know if I will be able to use my mothers computer or not to update everyone. Meteru and I are fine and so are the kids. Will update everyone when I can. Hugs

I know you all will see this and think that I have gone all the way crazy or something but I have to say it. I can't stop crying about Steve Irwin. It is like he was a close relative or something. Everytime I think about him, see his picture, or read something about him I am in absolute tears. Just ask my husband. He was talking about him today and I started crying again. Even typing this I am crying. I never met him but for some reason it is like I lost a brother or something. I have been like this for the past two days. I just want to hold Terri, Bindi and Bob and cry with them. I know people are like how can I cry this much over someone I never even met before. I don't know. I really don't know. I don't remember ever crying over a celebs death like this one. It is really strange for me. Hugs

This was a very hard weekend for me. All the kids stayed at my mothers house Saturday evening except the baby. That wouldn't have been so hard except it was so quiet that I had a hard time sleeping. Then Sunday I had such awful pain on the right side I ended up going to the emergency clinic. The doctor has no idea what the pain is from but did find out that I had sugar in my urine. My blood sugar was 211 which is really high. I had to wake up on Monday to find out that Steve Irwin passed away. It makes me so sad to know that he is gone. Oh people will say that he took extreme risks and is lucky to have lived as long as he did. Well aren't we all lucky to have lived as long as we have. He was very young. Only a few years older than me. He had a loving wife and two adorable children. My children are lucky to have been able to learn from him. It made me realize my mortality. I have been so ill lately and no doctors know why. I am lucky to still be alive really. Well it is off to have my blood sucked by the doctors. I will catch up with everyone later. Hugs

The medication the doctor gave me to try this weekend isn't helping. I have been having little seizures all weekend long. All that medication has managed to do is make me even more tired. Now all I want to do all weekend is sleep. It has not been an especially nice weekend. The older two boys did go to my mothers house last night and spend the night. It was a little more peaceful for sure. Now they are going to go to their great grandparents house with my husbands mother. The rest of us will be going to get groceries. Someone please make these seizures stop so I can have a life.

Hugs

Well I thought things were going pretty well with the seizures but I guess not. I woke up at 7:15 am to have a strong seizure. It was like nothing I had had before. My arms and legs lifted up and stiffened and my head went back. It literaly took my breath from me. I am so sore all over my body. I called the doctor as soon as they opened up. I am waiting for them to call. In other news, I got my first Avon order! Ok so it wasn't for a whole lot, but I am just starting out. Will keep everyone updated on the seizures. Thanks for all the support from everyone.

Hugs

I am back, again. LOL> I have been very ill for those of you who do not know. I am now on medication and for the most part, it is working. I have been having seizures and they raised my medication today because I have been having seizures the past couple of days but they only lasted for 2 to 5 seconds each. Big improvement actually. So I am tired but I will get used to the medication soon and then I will be on more, hopefully. I wanted to let everyone know that Keteni now has a LJ account too. Her LJ name is keteni so you should be able to find her easily. For those of you that don't know Keteni, she is my daughter. In other news, I am now selling AVON so if you want some AVON, and you don't sell it already or have someone to get it from, please let me know and I will be happy to help you. If you want to sell AVON, let me know and I will hook you up. I just started but am looking forward to earning money for the house. Hope to catch you all soon!!!

Hugs

Took it but not sure who from.




Well I am back from Florida. I had a pretty good time considering. I drove all day on April 28 and we stopped in TN for the night. I just want it to be known that the mountains in TN are the most beautiful site I have ever seen in my entire lifetime. I was a little bit nervous going down the mountains at a sharp incline however. I remember seeing the signs for the trucks to stay in the far right side and the emergency hills for run away trucks on the left side. I kept thinking that the truckers where going to flatten us on its way to the run away truck site. Nothing happened and we got down just fine. We had to get two rooms to stay in because no one has a room for 6 people. We also found out that there are a large number of rude people in TN. Despite the wonderful view in TN, I was glad to leave in the morning. By the time we got to Florida the on April 29 it was dark and I don't have very good night vision. I hate driving in the dark when I don't know the area. I drove all day and was happy to see the hotel when we finally did arrive. We spent Sunday calling a couple friends and just relaxing. We were to meet with a couple friends on Monday but one called and said she had a chest cold and the other one said she would call us when she got the train schedule and never did so we wasted an entire day in the hotel again. We did take the boys swimming and to the playground so that was fun. Tuesday we went to the Magic Kingdom. It was a lot of fun but I had to get a wheelchair and I hate that. Wednesday we went to MGM Studios and had a lot more fun. I still had a wheelchair but it was a lot more exciting than the Magic Kingdom. On Thursday we went to Universal Studios. We had a lot more fun there and got to see Emeril's. I love him. He is such a great cook. On Friday the kids and I spent the day at the hotel because the van was having so many problems so my husband went to take it to get fixed. He didn't get back until the evening. That was our 5th anniversary too. We did take the kids out to eat though. We went to a place called Uno's and it was wonderful. I really enjoyed it. On Saturday we left for home and I drove for two days again. It was a nice time but the one thing I was afraid of happened. I was afraid it was going to rain when we were going down the mountains in TN and it did. We made it home safely and that was the end of the good times. LOL. Missed everyone. Hope everyone is fine.

Hugs

Ok. I saw the doctor yesterday. My back is horrible and he is going to send me to a specialist to see what to do. I see her, the specialist, in a week. I have not had my cycle as of yet. I am currently 2 1/2 weeks late. I have taken 2 home tests: negative. I had a urine test at the doctors: negative. However I feel pregnant. I told them I would like to have a blood test done. I had my tubes tied after I had Niheb. The doctor yesterday was so kind as to tell us that sometimes the tubes grow back together. I won't go over the symptoms because there are a number of guys on the list and I don't want to embarrass them. If I miss my next cycle, in 9 days, I have to go see the OB/GYN and have an ultrasound done. I am having some tests done for Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis, and Thyroid problems. Will know about those tests in a couple days I think. Currently I can't walk much at all and I have trouble staying awake. I am also sick to my stomach a lot and if I am hungry and I don't eat I get sick. I have also been breaking out in hives at the drop of a hat and we don't know why. It comes fast and it goes away after about 10 minutes. Hope all is well with you.

Hugs

Well my health is going down hill quickly so if you don't hear from me for a while you will know why. I hope that things will get better soon but I never really know. I do know that I have an appointment with the doctor tomorrow. We shall see what he says and what kind of tests will be done. Currently part of my face is numb as well as parts of both legs, arms, hands, and feet. I have severe pain in my back, hips, and knees also. There are too many things that are going on now so I will not bore you with everything. The kids are doing great. They are all growing so fast. I do have some new pictures but I can't get the scanner to work right so I can't scan them for you all yet. Hopefully within the next two weeks I will be feeling up to working on it to get it to work right again.

Hugs

Please do this for me. I want honesty above all else. I want to see where my friends rate me.
http://kevan.org/johari?name=mawyemsekhmet

Did you miss me while I was gone? I know you didn't even realize I hadn't updated in months. Come on. You can admit it. So what is going on with me? I am getting ready to take a vacation. The end of April I will take a vacation with my family. It is a well deserved and needed vacation for us all. We are going to Florida and we won't be back until after my husband and mines 5 year anniversary. That is right. Come May 5th we will have been married 5 years.

About the kids: Keteni is getting big and is now taller than I (which isn't saying a lot is it?) She is almost 15 years old now. She has that teenager attitude that you just want to slap out of her but you don't. I can remember being a teenager at one time, a very long time ago. All in all she is a great kid though. She helps me out a lot with house work and the boys. Saheb is also getting big. He has started eating a little more variety. He is four years old now. He is reading and working on how to write his letters. He knows how to count to 20 and can recognize numbers to 100. He is doing pretty good but can't understand why he can't eat all the time and how to express his emotions well. Seteb is a pistol. How else can you describe him. LOL. He is very loving and wants mommy all the time but he is agressive and pushy. He can get angry at the drop of a hat. He is all toddler. LOL. He is starting to be able to read and he can count to 15. He can recognize numbers up to 100 also. Hiheb is starting to say a few words. His first word was Bye and he said it just a couple minutes after his daddy left for work one day. He can also say dadda and momom. He may only be 7 and 1/2 months old but he weighs 20 lbs. He smiles so much you can't help but smile back at him. I am so happy that I have all my children. I love each and every one of them.

Hugs

Well we are back from a day at retreat. Missing everyone. I can't believe I have to write this but I have just been told that there are some rumors that Meteru and I are having marrital problems. We are not having problems. Yes we had a disagreement. He wanted to stay and go out with friends after dinner and I said we couldn't afford it. It would have meant getting a hotel room and that is what we couldn't have afforded. I understand he wanted to see people, especially after being sick while we were there. If we had been saving for the trip for several months then we probably would have been able to do that but we didn't even think we were going to be able to go at all. He did get to talk to someone that he wanted to talk to specifically and we are fine. We agreed it was better to leave and be able to pay the bills later. The reason I was crying wasn't because I wanted to stay and he wanted to leave. I was crying because I wanted to stay and visit but I knew we couldn't afford it. I was just getting to know everyone and seeing some of my friends from past years. So I guess I was crying because I didn't want to go but not because Meteru was making me go. So for all of those that think there is something wrong with the marriage, I am sorry to disappoint you but there isn't. A disagreement is not unusual for a married couple and if it is unusual in your relationship then someone is not being totally truthful with the other person or there is no communication. We had a lot of fun with everyone there and I miss everyone so much. From now on though, we are not going to only stay for a couple hours and then leave. If we can't stay a few days at least then we aren't going to go at all. It was harder to leave after being there only for a few hours than it was last year after being there a week. It tore my heart out and I cried while I was driving. I reconnected with a few people that I hadn't talked with for a while and I met a lot of new people. Love to all and I am going to be around a lot more. If anyone needs anything, don't hesitate to ask me.

Hugs

Well things are going so so now. I want to apologize to all I was talking with on AIM last night. Seems things are really screwed up on the system I was on last night. I did not mean to go to reboot and then never get back. I guess I can't be on two things at once any more. I did have to be at the Naming Ceremony last night though. The baby was getting his root name. It was a great time and I am very happy with the name he was given. He is now Nisutemheb or Niheb for short. Only problem with getting the name last night was I got kicked out of the room after the name was given and couldn't get back in. So to those that I was chatting with in the room, I am sorry I didn't get to respond to you. Oh and before chat started last night I was talking with a couple of nice new people and a nice kitty. The kitty knows who they are and I hope that we will be able to chat again soon. The one new person I talked to was very sweet. I don't know that she will see this but she was very nervous after I said she would probably get named last night. Congrats on your new name by the way!! If you have any more questions, feel free to ask. You seem like a very sweet lady. Then there was another new person that had not gotten his RPD yet but was there to support his fellow classmates that were to get named. Don't give up on the thing that you want but think is impossible. You never know what will happen. I thought I would never get married again and I have been married for over four years now. I also was told I would never have any more kids and I have had three more since. Well I got kicked out of the room after that and I am sorry. I had a terrible time getting back in and by the time I did there were like 30 people in there and I had a hard time keeping up. I also want to thank my sister for helping me last night with some medical questions. I am sorry I was so much in a hurry to ask the questions but after getting kicked out of the room and everything I wanted to make sure I could ask you before AIM booted me too. After all was said and done, the baby had the best night of sleeping he has ever had. He went to sleep a little after 11 pm and woke up at 2am to be fed. He went back to sleep and then woke up a little after 5 am to eat again. He went back to sleep and I didn't wake up until my husband got home at almost 7:30 am. What a great night. We took the baby to the doctor the other day because we thought there may be something wrong with him. He was eating so much and we couldn't figure out why. The doctor was suprised that in two weeks the baby gained 2 lbs. He said that was one for the record books. I told him how the baby will eat and then half an hour later scream for more. The doctor looked him over and said he was healthy but must have a big motablolism or something and when he starts eating 32 oz a day to add cereal. He thinks it will be very soon. Well the baby slowed down his eating now but is taking about 28 oz a day still so I can see he will soon be eating. He is already chewing and smacking his lips. He watches me and his brothers eat all the time. I can tell he wants a bite but he can't have any yet. He grabs for his bottle already too. He is an interesting baby. LOL

Hugs

Well I was going to delete this LJ but decided not to. It is the only way I get to talk to some of you and so I am keeping it. Was going through a really tough time back then but now things are much better. Thanks to all who kept in touch and gave me support when I needed a friend. For those of you who don't know yet, the baby has been born. He was born on June 27 at 7:38 pm by c-section. Oh yes. I got my section after all. You see on the Saturday before giving birth I started having contractions. I didn't go to the hospital because they weren't too bad and my water had not broken. That Monday I went to my regular doctors visit and they couldn't get the baby to move. The doctor was going to send me to the hospital but needed to check me first and I was 3 cm dialated already. The baby was head down which suprised us all because he was always head up every other visit and this was one of those visits. So anyways, I went to the hospital and was having some contractions and so the doctor said he wanted to break my water. I asked for an epidural at that time cause I am no ones fool. I know that when they break the water bag the contractions become really strong and I wanted to be prepared. So the doctor came to check and see how far along I was and couldn't feel the baby's head any longer. He went to get the ultrasound machine and low and behold the baby flipped to a breech position. I got my section and my tubes are tied so I won't be having any more babies. So now we welcome Lukas Kieran to our little family. He is doing well and is such a good baby. The other boys are slowly adjusting to the new baby but they don't understand a lot of things yet. Like when the baby is nursing and the boys think he is biting me. They do kiss his head and hug him and tell him that they love him which is a good sign I think. Now if my body and sleeplessness would adjust itself then things would be even better. Hugs to all of you that have stuck through this bad time for me.

Thanks to all. Goodbye.

If you don't want to hear about pregnancy and labor things, don't read this. Last week I started losing my mucus plug. Yesterday I started having some strong contractions and I am having them today too. I go see the doctor in a little bit. I am having chest pains with the contractions which scare me to death. I am not as young as I used to be ya know. Thanks to ProudLeopard for chatting for a second on the chest pains. I am sorry I lost you on AIM. I know how sticky that thing is. I do appreciate the information you gave me though. Thanks for being there for me.

Hugs

As promised here is my dream about Djesi. I don't remember the first part of the dream but I do remember we were not around in this area. It was me and Meteru in the car and it was night time. We happened to see a store that was open. Why it was open so late I really don't know but it intrigued me because it has a lot of stained glass stuff in it. I remembered that I had a stained glass piece from Djesi in the car that needed to be repaired because something had happened and it had some pieces come off. So Meteru and I stopped at the store and it had some wonderful items in it. It not only had stained glass but it had statues and old jewelry and a lot of really cool stuff in it. While I was looking around in the store the lady that owned the store came out. She was a very nice lady and I got the impression she was gypsy like. I asked her about some of the items in her shop and some had a really interesting history. I asked her if she could repair a stained glass article that a friend had made me and she said she could do it and it wouldn't cost very much. I brought out the stained glass and she looked at it and asked who my friend was. I told her it was Djesi and she said she knew him. She said he came to her shop often for a while. She said Djesi had taken that stained glass that I had from her store. She said she would repair it and give it back to me though. I don't remember anything after that. I am not sure but I think the alarm went off then. Weird huh? I know you didn't steal it Djesi. Don't know why I had the dream though. Very strange.

In other news, the baby is fine. He was in breech position on last Thursday but as of today he is back to head down. He is active and doing great. I am still having the heart problems but they think the baby is just pushing on things and squishing my heart or something. I have to do kick counts twice a day now and have to start seeing the doctor twice a week starting next week. I will be 34 weeks tomorrow.

Hugs